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You dont come, you dont get one. Our new bishop, for the last three years, gave no gift or acknowledgement. I have attended other Christian churches enough to realize why it is much less likely that they have painful mothers day talks. Reading over those messages, it is hard to come up with any form of consensus other than, everyone has a different opinion. I agree Ray. When I was bishop, my bishopric would always serve pie during the third hour and Id invite my mom to attend. iPad. And he completely meant it too. I thought my husband (Sonny) had already posted this, but maybe not, or Im just blinder than usual. Index to the Triple Combination, Sacrament, Jesus Christ Teaches about the Sacrament and Prayer, AaronL. West, Little Children and the Sacrament, Ensign, October 2016, Line upon Line: Matthew 26:2628, New Era, October 2016, Questions & Answers: What am I supposed to think about during the sacrament? New Era, June 2014, Renewing Covenants through the Sacrament, Ensign, June 2010, Marilynne Linford, Questions and Answers about the Sacrament, Friend, March 2008, Laurel Rohlfing, Remember Jesus Christ during the Sacrament, Ensign, June 2007, Richard Lloyd Anderson, The Restoration of the Sacrament (Part1: Loss and Christian Reformations), Ensign, January 1992, Richard Lloyd Anderson, The Restoration of the Sacrament (Part2: A New and Ancient Covenant), Ensign, February 1992, Pat Graham, Sharing Time: Be Grateful for the Sacrament, Friend, November 1987, JohnS. Tanner, Reflections on the Sacrament Prayers, Ensign, April 1986, June 1016: Matthew 26; Mark 14; Luke 22; John 18, Come, Follow MeFor Individuals and Families: New Testament 2019, Viewpoint: The Sacred Ordinance of the Sacrament, Church News, Young Men, Teach about the Sacrament, Brother Beck Says, Church News, Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith, chapter6, Come, Follow MeFor Primary: New Testament 2019, The Sacrament Helps Me Think about Jesus Christ, Behold Your Little Ones: Nursery Manual, lesson27, Jesus Christ Instituted the Sacrament, Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Gospel Teacher Manual, lesson15, Sacrament, Lesson Helps for Teaching Children, As Now We Take the Sacrament, Hymns, no.169, The Sacrament, Childrens Songbook, 72, Before I Take the Sacrament, Childrens Songbook, 73, The Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square App Icon, Teachings of Presidents: Joseph Fielding Smith Manual, 2014, Primary Nursery Manual: Behold Your Little Ones, Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Gospel Course (Religion 250), Children's Songbook, English, Hard Cover, Spiral. I believe the best thing a man can do is not to love his wife in word, but to help her find and be and become whatever she truly wants to be and become outside of her role as mother. I hope Sunday goes well for you. Heres my updated version: Im so glad when Daddy comes home, Sadly, though, it probably caused a lot of pain to the listeners. She talked about how when she was single she was very shallow, only cared about clothes and makeup and boys, didnt prepare herself spiritually, didnt have much of a testimony, and then upon marrying found herself extremely immature and woefully unprepared to be a spiritual leader in her home. I totally agree. JUST kidding. Thanks. #16 They asked him to speak again?! My Mother will one day reach the godstage with my Father and will have there own planet. Being there with my son was very nice. This morning I decided to Google search Mothers Day LDS talks and came upon this article. And that concludes the story of how NewlyHousewife learned not to attend church on Mothers Day. A small gift for Mothers Day is fine, but if you give chocolate to a diabetic or a piece of pie to someone with gluten intolerance, what have you given? I dont need to socialize at church. All women were given a 'present' which looked like a flower or something, I didn't inspect it; many men and women took extra ones to give to any mother or lady in the neighborhood, single, mother, any sister or non member. And yeah, audience is important. It is a simple answer, and it is trueThe most important thing a father can do for his [daughter] is to love [her] mother.'. Some women think that you dont talk enough about mothers while other people think you talk too much about them. So this year we are setting up tables and chairs in the gym, hauling in meat and cheese and veggies and chocolate, and the Bishop will talk for five minutes and then we will let everybody socialize while I play the tuba for the entire primary. With a purpose firm and willing, It seems sometimes that activity organizers believe somehow that no one will participate if not bribed by pizza, pop, potato chips or pie. all while X sat smugly on the stand. Great, and I was just asked to talk on Sunday, I guess I will be very careful. Get plenty HPs and Elders. Flowers were also given to anyone who wanted to wear one in honour of their mothers. The reminder was given to visit those sisters unable to attend on Mother's Day. At one point they cut down a tree and paraded it into town to symbolize the mother of the Gods (Asherah, anyone?). I explained that I was not calling any men to speak, due to their tendency to give perfect mother talks, and felt they could do a better job giving an honest uplifting talk that could be of benefit to the mothers in the congregation. Through the shedding of His blood, Jesus Christ saved all people from what the scriptures call the original guilt of Adams transgression (Moses 6:54). Dont twist the knife; let them come to you if they want it. Yes! I always had this huge chip on my shoulder about refusing the flowers because I wasnt a mom (I had kids later in life), but my own mother would force me to take it because it was a free flower. One of her favorites: Im so bad when daddy comes home, That cost a war pension. Support Epic Family Fun! My mom still to this day says it was the best Mothers Day talk ever. So I would personally prefer if they didnt do those honor-mothers meetings. Available Now: 2023 Temple Calendar. on Mothers Day and donate it to a womens shelter. He offers advice on how young women can look to faithful mother figures as a pattern to follow. My mother was an ideal, and she is schizophrenic, couldnt cook water without burning the pan, never cleaned a thing in the house while we were children, had rebellious to some degree or another, etc. Just to be clear - I meant 'written/given' by women (aka musical number "O My Father" written by Eliza R Snow, conf talk by Reeve/Oscarson/Okazaki). What does that say about the role of motherhood? Just to be clear - I meant 'written/given' by women (aka musical number "O My Father" written by Eliza R Snow, conf talk by Reeve/Oscarson/Okazaki). Even men who are on diets. *As I type this, I know for a fact that someone out there is going to respond that their ward gives men plants for Fathers Day every year. The good news is, most sisters want chocolate from their ward family and most sisters usually get chocolate. If they give out a plant that I can put in the ground, Ill be sad to miss that, though. But I love my mother, and I miss her, so Im hopeful that the experience will be a good one. Ere the sun goes down. #93 Ruth But guess what?! Why Women, Especially Mothers, Working Outside the Home is an Abomination Unto the Lord. And out the door I flee. 3rd hour had all of the PRI & YW leaders including the YW themselves in RS with homemade lemon cakes from the teacher. I think we should dispense with handing out things and tell everyone weve made a donation to a local womens shelter or program for mothers in need. (Just what mothers need on an already stressful day . In this talk, Elder Holland focuses on three different experiences that reflect the majestic influence of mothers. The first is a cautionary tale, where a friend who was drifting away from the Church expressed he could not stand the thought of facing his deceased mother. What if you brought in padded RS chairs for the YW & PRI workers, including Nursery sisters, so that they can feel a little comfort on that Sunday? Why..thank you! Aleah Ingram For the injured interceding, To find a ward near you, try the Meetinghouse Locator, which will also provide sacrament meeting times, driving directions, and contact information. So, just an FYI to the LDS people here Non-denominational Christian churches focus EVERY day (especially Sunday) on God/Jesus Christ Generally the take home message (this would apply to mothers day s well) is that we are human so we are sinners and if we accept Jesus Christ as our savior then we can hand him our trials (very difficult to do) but when we dont and we are struggling He still loves us. They seemed to love the tradition and I never received negative feedback. Mothers Day is celebrated, and increasingly commercialized, but my impression of the local situation is that ones obligation to honor ones mother is largely discharged at home. Regular G.A.S. Thanks for clarifying. Thats the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! Mtg. I wonder if a member of our bishopric reads this blog? However, like you, I thought Fathers Day was a done and done. I accidently hit the quote button and so nothing is there..you guys can fill in the blank.. My wife and I will be on an Alaska Cruise. Any suggestions as to what you would truly and realistically appreciate being presented? It was both simple and profound. I actually think its good to celebrate both Mothers and Fathers Days with the caveat to be sensitive to the feelings of those who have difficulty with that celebration. I would say that since Christ is supposed to be the express image of his Father that we do know quite a bit about the Father. On Sunday Morning my sister and I drove almost 2 hours each way to go visit my maternal grandmothers grave. Im amazed that we arent using the most recent conference materials . Perhaps the reason so many women have an aversion to an all Sacrament Mtg. I was dreading it, but I was rescued by my sister coming to town for the next 3 days yayyyy. I did live in one ward where the mothers always got plants but the fathers always got cookies. A year later he died in a car accident, and the children went back to mom, whose life was now very different. Its impossible to please everyone. It was a very honest list, but emphasized that the things she would change had nothing to do with looking good, acting a certain way, or different callings. I'm fascinated by these two suggestions because I was leaning toward only having youth and men speak so that all the mothers had the day off. Oh, great. This is a tradition of man, and sometimes it is just a bad idea. The first speaker was a single father, then the bishop spoke, then the stake president spoke. I Know I would like Mothers Day more if they changed the official hymn of the day from Love at Home to this one (to be sung from the perspective of the mother): 1. Theyre all very good, and not being critical, but Hallmark w/ scripture would seem to be one way to describe the style of Pres. So our ward did 3 talks on Christ with each one saying one sentence of gratitude about their individual moms right before bearing their testimony. We can all sound harsh at times, but this seems to be a community of sorts and following through on the different dicussions helps put context to opinions expressed. Alma 56:47-48. Crowd-sourcing request. Then the clincher, it is only for women to celebrate and they need to be left alone to celebrate it as they demand and see fit. After living with me for almost 17 years, hed better get it right! Why do *we* have to have an ideal? I want to hear about the mother who lost all her children, because she made a lot of mistakes. LDS Hymn Arrangements. They do not need to be perfect in order to partake of the sacrament, but they should have a spirit of humility and repentance in their hearts. But I realize others prefer plants. Since my husband gets to give I dont envy you people who have been called togive talksnext week. Im sorry too for the harshness In my expression in a previous thread regarding your views of sacrament meeting. Elder Ballard lists three ways mothers can do that; first, is realizing joy comes in moments, second is to not overschedule children, and third, to find time to cultivate talents and interests. I actually feel it is not so dissimilar on fathers day, particularly since the disparity between them can demean men. So be kind to her. I would love to avoid Mothers Day meetings, just because they are usually tedious, but I love to go for the sake of seeing my kids sing. Products; . I remember being confused by a few Mothers Day talks growing up. Excellent suggestions, Mark. Questions and Answers about the Sacrament, Remember Jesus Christ during the Sacrament, The Restoration of the Sacrament (Part1: Loss and Christian Reformations), The Restoration of the Sacrament (Part2: A New and Ancient Covenant), Sharing Time: Be Grateful for the Sacrament, Viewpoint: The Sacred Ordinance of the Sacrament, Young Men, Teach about the Sacrament, Brother Beck Says. It spoke to the special importance of mothers to their children, but also made clear that as with other mistakes, the effects of mothers failings can absolutely be healed by the Atonement. What do you think when you see a used car lot with a sign like this: Honest Abes Used Cars! Let's apply your logic standard to other holidays. Sacrament meeting is for honoring and remembering the Savior, its not Fathers Day or Mothers Day, its the Saviors Day! As I journey on my way, Like many others, my wife and her mother have both always struggled with hearing sacrament meeting talks on Mothers Day. Motherhood as a path to choose to be a better disciple of Christ by caring for those Christ loves.feed my sheep, etc.https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/wanted-hands-and-hearts-to-hasten-the-work?lang=eng. This talk by Sheri Dew focuses on how motherhood is for all women, regardless if they have children or not. I get fed up listening every year to only men saying how wonderful their wives and mothers are. You might drift over to what has been considered the rebuttal of Mothers Who Know given at the next conference session by Elder Ballard. Maybe Ill get a pizza and tell the kids to cook it for breakfast when Sunday morning comes. See also What to Expect at Church Services. It was designed with ward choirs and Sacrament Meeting musical numbers in mind. I also have plenty of friends who are single sisters and they mourn growing older and menopause because they wont be able to have the children they want to hold and love. The deacons hand out small potted plants to all women 12+ years, then the sisters eat cake in Relief Society (served up by the RS presidency.). I am glad you had a good father, but honestly, that attitude is what keeps me away. Is this our Sharon Haynie from DN branch? When we speak of mothers as people who are incapable of gross sin, they know we are lying. Thanks for thinking of me, my youngest bishop son! Actually now that I do have children, the primary song Im so glad when Daddy comes home has taken on a new meaning for me. On Mothers Day. from Pres. She cares about your eternal safety and happiness. Ere the sun goes down. Pertaining to gifts: #53 Im against handing out plants on Mothers Day. The two adult speakers should center their talk on Jesus; if you want, assign a youth speaker to speak on Mothers, the Primary sings a song, and pass out the flower at the end. I had some ideas but didn't want to repeat anything that had already been done from the Primary. Mother's Day: My talk by Kaimi Wenger May 5, 2009 23 Comments It's hard to strike the right balance, between affirming Moms who really need to be told that they made a good decision; and letting others (especially women) know that they're okay, too. Thats the last thing a mother needs, responsibility for yet another living thing. Ere the sun goes down, The rest of us mortals should stick with real. Ive taken as the Ward Music Chair person and conductor to pick hymns and have a couple special musical numbers, but does anyone have any ideas for a small token we could pass out to the men? Mothers Day theme, is the spirit is trying to witness to us at what a dumb idea it is. I feel for how it hurts people to attend church and the sorrows they bear. Beautiful. How about honoring our mothers by not just focusing on what they do or have done for us (guilt trip for those that feel they never do enough) but focus on ways the members can help their mothers throughout each stage of their life. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. My bishop knows where its at, and we always get Dove bars, Milk for those of unrefined taste and Dark for the rest of us. ), Miriam his sister who obeyed her mother and stayed with him and suggested her mother be his nursemaid, and the daughter of Pharoah, who raised him. Ere the sun goes down. This is Elder Hollands second appearance on this list of LDS talks on motherhood. Lewis moments ago which speaks directly to those thoughts: All Latter-day Saint Youth Need to Hear Ready to Rise, Popular Rapper Says He Wants to Be Baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, FREE I Can Do All Things Through Christ Sheet Music + Music Video, Latter-day Saint Missionaries Perform Is There Room, Official 2023 Youth Theme Music Video: I Can Do All Things Through Christ, Popular Rapper Says He Wants to Be Baptized into The Church. But in Argentina, where Mothers Day is in October, they also tended to recognize International Womens Day (March 8) even in church (in addition to a wide variety of other holidays Childrens Day, Grandparents Day, etc.). Along with activities and programs during the week, Latter-day Saints gather on Sundays for an approximately hour-long "sacrament" meeting, where men, women and younger members offer prayers and give sermons, sing hymns and partake of the sacrament (similar to receiving communion). Intent matters, and I dont believe the idealism we are fed is meant to hurt, but rather to uplift. I dont see why having a Tiger Mom would be necessarily any more or less traumatizing than having a Don Draper Mom. Said she, If you havent convinced your mother that you love her the other 364 days of the year, nothing you say on Mothers Day is worth a damn.. Please use the comments to make your own contributions. Find another way to show appreciation to Mothers! I have to go home right after Sacrament meeting, because the Sisters all bring their flowers with them to the other meetings. Any Advice? I miss her something terrible, and being at the grave-site really brought all of those emotions to the surface. Focus on womanhood and examples of strong women, not on a perfect homemaker mother. Mothers, we acknowledge and esteem your faith in every footstep. Young Latter-day Saint priesthood . Trust her. I believe he has mellowed and gained wisdom over the years and was a part of a later bishopric. Gospel Q&A: How Can I Find and Foster Celestial Love? Speaking for myself, I think Fathers Day is much easier. While it addresses questions about how to raise a girl, the talk also discusses the nobility of fatherhood, the influence fathers have on children, how to cherish your wife, and why virtue is so important. I have nine children, eight grown, am temple divorced and remarried to a nomo. Although the later version of Mothers Day in the US was to honor mothers, it retained its association with peace as carnations were given out as a symbol of peace (white if ones mother was dead, pink if alive). A friend once proposed a thought experiment. Worst Moms Day talk ever: when we (and most of our friends) were newlyweds, one of our friends (a guy) was asked to give the big glory of motherhood talk. No, an inclusive talk will be about current and eternal womanhood, one part of which may including being a biological mother in mortal life. Although Mothers Day is not fraught for me the way it is for so many, I will be watching with interest next Sunday to see which way our meeitng falls. And Im batting clean up. Sacrament meeting is a time for us to renew our covenants, it is a sacred ordinance. Well give you an honest deal! Aim at earth and you get neither. Feel free to disagree with Lewis as well, but I feel like Im in pretty good company at this moment! 30 Inspiring LDS Quotes About Mothers & Motherhood, Church Leaders Honor Mothers Over the Holiday Weekend, Church Releases Tribute to Mothers, You Are Enough, FREE Happy Mothers Day Coloring Page Printable, The Family is a Divine Blessing | 6 March 2023, Come Follow Me Recap Thy Faith Hath Saved Thee | 5 March 2023, Miracles Come Through Fasting | 4 March 2023, Young Latter-day Saint Missionary Passes Away in Georgia, 5 Things You Didnt Know About the Day the LDS Church Was Organized. Really perfect for MD! I know of no better answer to [the] foul practices that confront our young people than the teachings of a mother, given in love with an unmistakable warning.. Not until the 1600s did people start associating the holiday with their own actual mothers (Mothering Day in the UK). It might be that it was a holiday originally conceived by the US Socialist Party and propagated by the Soviets. Church meetings Sacrament Meeting Overview To find a ward near you, try the Meetinghouse Locator, which will also provide sacrament meeting times, driving directions, and contact information. I choose to stay away for most MDs and all FD. Im even okay when they hand out plants. But arent mothers also sweet, like cookies? If So, Should We Pray Out Loud? Our current Bishop decided not to do anything for mothers day. Fun Photos of Latter-day Saint Leaders in the Snow! I am the wife of a bishopric member, and I used to love Mothers Day. Have a young child, a teenager, husband and elderly father take you through the different phases of motherhood in their own point of view. Uchtdorf. It would be much easier for me to hear mothers day talks if they were real instead of ideal, though Id prefer a good sermon on Christ, instead. 10 years after my first child was born, I still detest Mothers Day. I wish that EVERY ward had a FD talk on what unrighteousness dominion is, and why it should be the job of every priesthood holder and father to raise sons who understand it and daughters who wont stand for it. Not all women can become real mothers. #28 Love the song choice of I Have Work Enough To Do as a tribute. Have a variety of ages speak on ideas or what they've done to help their mothers and ways they've stayed close to their mothers. A BIGTHANK YOU to Heather Mecham for compiling all the results from this survey. Why can't we let women celebrate it how they want at home and focus on Christ at church? . (i.e. Not that I am anything special, but I gave a Mother's Day talk when I was a bishop that was so well-received even my own mother loved it. Serious question for everyone, just out of true curiosity: How many of these horror stories happened in the last five years? Now, I detest it. My wife and I were not in his ward to hear the talk, but he told us about it later. I would say that my grandmother was like a second mother to us, but really she was like a first mother. Finally, Elder Holland offers his thanks to mothers around the world. She discusses the divinity of motherhood and how every woman can become a mother in the world around her. I think this is one of the most confusing topics for men in the church. Thank you. The kids sang the first verse and the adults the second. Weve gathered this collection to help you study, write talks, and share powerful LDS quotes about mothers. I guess plants are pretty and mothers are pretty. especially when there are clear re-phrasings and clarifications. And this is all in addition to the everyday problems like getting the bills paid and the laundry done. Id also like a break from a poem in the EFMormons which says that no painting, no book, no song penned by a mother could be as great as a worSocrates by their children in the future, so spending your time raising the next generation is the greatest thing you can do. Mark, This post was positively Uchtdorfian! It hasnt yet. No talk is necessary, but a simple acknowledgement of our love for all the women in our lives is nice. I think its the best way to go. I can only pray no one will take offense, as I certainly never mean any offense. This year in our ward we are having a missionary farewell for Mothers Daynot the old kind where the new missionary and all his/her family speak, but the new kind where the new missionary will be given a topic. I dont know why that would be, unless people are just assuming we ache for something more to nurture. I think Ill check myself in to a nice bed and breakfast. #109 Rayloved the roller coaster quote on motherhood. Ours, like most, has its strengths and its weaknesses. Gospel Q&A: Can Satan Hear Our Prayers? Up til now, I have endured going because I thought I had to. This reflects a very different image than the one we portray to the world about our values and what we say means the most to us. Nice meeting. However, the restored gospel is true and is a steady guide for us in nagivating the oftimes foggy seas of life. Mothers Day gifts at church should be like free t-shirt day at the baseball game. Most seemed to realize bishoprics are trying and they appreciate any effort. Women are saved in child bearing is good as always. The Spirits constant companionship is one of the greatest gifts of mortality. In Bishopric meeting this year, I quoted your little sister regarding plants. Your email address will not be published. I am understanding your POV. But alas, Mother's Day 11 years ago will forever be known as the day I landed face down on the floor of the chapel, on top of my 3-year-old, in the middle of sacrament meeting, with my skirt flung over my head. She loved us unconditionally heart and soul. Is this really the Mothers Day message I need? We are confabbing about how to turn the tables on Hallmark. I didnt realize Mothers Day was so close. It just screamed, whoops, we forgot to order flowers in time and ran out to walmart last night and bought up whatever womanly thing we could find. Too much idealism masks reality and can quickly become propaganda and lies. I dont remember terribly well, but at the Episcopal church I attended for a while, I dont think Mothers Day was nearly as emphasized as it is in the LDS church, because its not part of the liturgical calendar. Idealsno, no maam not for me. How did your Mother's Day Sacrament meeting turnout, Rockpond? At first I was wishing that I wasnt, but after thinking and praying about it for a few weeks and speaking with friends and family, Im rather excited about it. A nod to moms but no pedestal worshiping. My son Dan was married June 13 about a week ago. Women have mothers too! MD really is a no-win. I must speak the loving word, I only wish my daughter could come in for graduation I am sure we would skip church together that morning! Today the sacrament is an ordinance in which Church members partake of bread and water in remembrance of Jesus Christ's atoning sacrifice. If you want to deal in rose-colored platitudes, you are probably gunning for the high council, so save it until then. Most seemed to realize bishoprics are trying and they appreciate any effort. When chocolate is handed out, our children end up begging for it but its the one day I wont share. Again, its about building testimony and gaining faith. How about honoring our mothers by not just focusing on what they do or have done for us (guilt trip for those that feel they never do enough) but focus on ways the members can help their mothers throughout each stage of their life. Preparation Print the song pages. The "Sacrament Meeting Program" app provides users a quick, easy way to create their sacrament meeting programs. I have suggested the donate-money-to-the-shelter thing for about four years now; it gets a blank stare, followed by a startled, oh! Some were difficult for metotell without choking up. After a lot of thought and prayer I called two sisters to speak on some of the blessings and also the challenges of raising children in the gospel. https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/wanted-hands-and-hearts-to-hasten-the-work?lang=eng. Its hard for those without children, who are likely never to have children, to listen to motherhood talks that don't address their situation. I think its terribly sad that growing up Mormon, I never heard anyone make any serious attempt to talk about Heavenly Mother on Mothers Day. So for over a decade, Ive loved Mothers Day, just because I know it wont end with all of us crying. Our HC speaker will be talking about forgiveness this Sunday at the special request of our Leadership. Just as he was getting into how pornography helped him through the divorce, the bishop stepped up and escorted him from the podium. (just kidding). Christmas is not a universal holiday and thus we should not celebrate one day a year, We focus on Christ every day and every Sunday so there is no need to celebrate on Christmas. Food is the communication tool of choice for Latter Day Saints. Were here to help! Dont take us out of Primary to go eat Treats! Especially since whoever asked him to speak didnt learn their lesson and he said the exact same talk a year later. How can a father raise a happy, well-adjusted daughter in todays increasingly toxic world? Their talks often included poems about the immeasurable amount of crap mothers had to deal with. Didn't Sheri Dew give a talk titled, "Are We Not All Mothers?" But I see where you are coming from. Thanks, kc! Very useful counsel, Mark. I like the post. What does that say about us as a people? I cant quite relate that to Motherhood but maybe he will. He also addressed many different groups of women separately with distinct advice for their situation, including women with small children, older women, and women who never marry. My kids are too old for primary and dont go to church anyway (and my mother died when my youngest was 2 yrs old), so I have no reason to go and hear all about how perfect someone else is, or that I should have been perfect, or the lie that all of us mothers are perfect.